I Must Have Been Really Bad

by Gloria Christie. THE NEWSLETTER FOR INTELLGIENT WOMEN & MEN

Feb 27, 2023

Hi there! I’ve been thinking about whether I should stay in my home or look at something more.… I don’t know. What’s the word I’m looking for? Oh yeah, “responsible.” It’s hard. I’ve lived in my cottage among the tall trees for nearly 25 years. And I love it. But getting around is a “bit” of a problem. Okay, what’s another word for “pain in the be-hind.” (That’s how I say be-hind, and I’m sticking to it!)

I see the bone doctor Wednesday, aka orthopedic surgeon. But I like bone doctor much better. I don’t want to go, and I’ve managed to delay the “visit” a whopping two weeks. But alas, the day looms large. Hey! Maybe I’ll be able to walk like I did when I was 20 before then. Probably not. Still, hope lingers illusively.

You see, I grew up on my grandparent’s farm in eastern Kansas. We had hundreds of trees. A remarkable hackberry grew to a width of 13 feet! Much like me.

And when I moved into my cottage, I suddenly realized how important the trees, the silence, and the groundedness were to me. I don’t want to leave that. But I might.

I didn’t realize I had a plan to either die in my home or at worst go to the hospital or hospice for a couple of weeks and cash out. But I did. Going into assisted living sounds like as much fun as stepping on a couple of three-inch rusty nails.

And I notice that I am grieving the loss of my home. When we lose something or someone, it rocks our brains. And until our wonderful little neurons make new pathways to a new reality, we grieve. Who knew?

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