I Must Have Been Really Bad

IN A PREVIOUS LIFE! HUMOR by Gloria Christie

As I slink around hugging the walls of my little cottage, I pretend that I am a Spy vs. Spy cartoon character. The one dressed all in black. And I am involved in all sorts of espionage activities. After all, who would expect an older woman of being up to subterfuge? Just as the cartoon spy peers around corners, so do I. And I move between victory and defeat managing to accomplish both most of the time.

Through trial and error, I am discovering what I can control and what I cannot.

You see after my fall, I cannot lie down, sit up, or stand up. That has its downside. But, and here’s the good part, I have a simple gravity chair. Who knew there are all sorts of positions between sitting up and lying down? So now I can control a significant amount of pain. Pretty cool, hunh?

I also found out through trial and error that I can move a foot forward rather than to the side and ease over-used muscles. And as a bonus, my core muscles tightened up and killed off any hint of incontinence. For the first time in years, I can sleep the night through.

When I dream, it is as if I’m living a double life. No monsters or scary characters like that. I dreamed I bought a Snickers candy bar. Maybe that’s how spies dream. I’ll have to find one and ask her.

My life is considerably smaller. Six feet to my computer. Six feet to the bathroom. That wanton call of macadamia nut ice cream lures me another six feet, 12 feet in all coming and going. But I pay for it.

I am terribly fortunate to have two related helpers who come and bring in the mail, hammer errant nails back into the hardwood floors, and fix me some of my request-only bizarre meals. But that is for another day.

Some say I might fall, like the ER nurse, who told me:

Fall and it’s a rush to the end.

But I don’t want that stuck in my head. So I supplant that defeatist and somewhat dangerous thought with another.

If I was going to fall, I would have already done it.

That’s better. I have a lot more control than I imagined. And I cannot walk. I have not improved since I fell. But that reality needs to be tucked away from me for now. And I’ll go about my spy business!

Be Safe, Be Well, You & Yours,

Gloria

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Gloria Christie is a political journalist for the liberal online newspaper The Bipartisan Report. Find her here on Facebook. Or at Three White Lions, her book written in her own unique style with a twist of humor on Amazon Kindle Vella and the Gloria Christie Three White Lions podcast on Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, etc. Christie’s Mueller Report Adventures In Bite-Sizes a real-life compelling spy mystery (in progress).