Bad Girls Don't Go to Heaven
I too have stood insideof the heavy cloud of humiliation. Silent.
On the witness stand today. E. Jean Carroll put down Donald Trump’s attack attorney beautifully. He asked the writer why she didn't scream when she alleged the ex-president raped her. Carroll responded that she was born during a certain time when women remained quiet.
An older cousin molested me for as long as I can remember every time we went to my Grandmother's. I knew if he didn't molest me, he would hurt my little sisters. In my child's mind, it was a matter of sacrificing myself to save them.
I was five when his mother caught us. I remember her taking my hand and leading me back to the house. She said:
‘Bad little girls don't go to Heaven.’
And I thought:
‘That's not true.’
First of all, I wasn't the one being bad. But that was the mentality I and many others emerged from in childhood and beyond.
My father caught him. And we never went to dinner again when my molester would be there. But I knew with a sorrow beyond words that the cousin's younger brother would have no such protection.
I have only told a handful of people until now. Why? Shame. Not of what I did, but of the act of sexual abuse. Let's work together to protect our children and grandchildren, girls and boys. To be a safe space where they can share their pain and ill-placed shame.
Be safe. Be well. You and yours.
Gloria