I Must Have Been Really Bad...
IN A PREVIOUS LIFE: Ode To A Dying Chair
ODE TO A DYING CHAIR
I met my wonderful easy chair a little over a year ago. Before I saw her, I had visions of her shooting me across the room after raising me up to near standing. Truly. But she was slow and gentle with me, making my life more comfortable and easier. I could go from near standing to fully reclined stopping at any point in between. That allowed me to find a position that made my broken bone and lower back happpy. When a person can’t lie flat, this luxury is precious.
And up and down I went and up and down and up and down. All I had to do was press the magic buttons that moved me. What a ride! But then something happened. I was reclining when the buttons poooped out. I tried to reach the outlet so that I could unplug the cord and hopefully reset my chair. The only way to reach the outlet behind me and just beyond reach was to grow octopus arms. I failed. But there was a solution.
I called my daughter to leave work and rescue me. And she did. For a while, the reset worked. Then it did not. Fortunately, I was in a swimming pool chair position. Freedom was mere inches away. But how to obtain it?
At first, I thought that I could just hop over the arm. It looked relatively easy. Unfortunately, I can’t hop anymore. So any attempt along that line would end with me face down on the floor. Not a good choice, so what alternative did I have? Well, it was either the side or the foot of the chair. If I wanted to do the latter, I would have to scooch closer to the end. Although when you have a hundred-pound butt, scooching is ne’er impossible.
Maybe I could improvise. Roll left. Ouch. Roll right. Ouch. And repeat. At last, I reached the place where the footrest bent down — not to the floor, but close enough to let me take action. Armed with my trusty cane, I leveraged myself up and cast off with my left arm. And guess what?
It worked! I was weaving precariously near my walker and forcing my footrest down. But I knew that once I moved, it would spring up sharply. I couldn’t move. But I couldn’t go back down. Wrangling starvation only lasts so long. I took a step and sure enough, Much to my surprise, I was still standing upright. I was walking with an unappreciated assist. This is what I call the second ride at Worlds of Fun for the Elderly.
I’ve found that if I just keep performing an act, it eventually gets easier. This was no exception. However, the ride is no less heart-pounding. At least, the pool furniture position lets me sleep with my legs raised, so I can’t complain. Besides, there is an upside.
I have avoided the adrenaline rush as much as I can. Therefore, I am sitting in other chairs — my living room chairs and my office chair. And look what happened. I wrote this!
Good to see you again my friends. I hope this brought at least one smile to you. Laughter heals.
Be safe, COVID is on the hunt again. And be well.
Gloria